The Williams Family

I was told a story about a lady in the hospital who was near death when an area Chaplain came to visit her This Chaplain was a very young female with long blond hair. She listened to the lady who was ill and left her a small gift for comfort. It was a tiny ceramic frog The next day one of the people from the lady's church came to visit. The lady told her friend about the beautiful young Chaplain who had come to visit her. The friend was so impressed with the way the lady had improved and felt the need to talk to the young Chaplain. In her search to find the young gal, she was repeatedly reassured that the chaplains are never very young and that there was never a gal, that fit the description given. Upon returning to the lady in the hospital, a visiting nurse entered the room and noticed the ceramic frog. The nurse made the comment "I see you have a guardian angel with you." As she held the little frog. We asked why she made the comment and we were informed that the frog stood for:

(F) Forever (R) Rely (O) On (G) God

To The World You Might Be One Person; But To One Person You Might Be the World.

Texas Chili

>> Chili Judge
>> If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope
>> for you.
>> I was crying by the end. This is an actual account as relayed to
>> paramedics at a chili cook-off in Texas .
>> Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the
>> first two judges, the reaction of the third
>> judge is even better.
>> For those of you who live in Texas , you know how true this is. They
>> actually have a Chili Cook-off
>> about the time Halloween comes around.
>> It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City
>> Park .
>>>> Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was
>> visiting from Springfield , IL . Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be
>> selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in
>> sick at
>> the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's
>> table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came
>> in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili
>> wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have
>> free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3."
>>>> Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

>>>> CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI
>> Judge # 1 - A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
>> Judge # 2 - Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
>> Judge # 3 (Frank) - Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could
>> remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the
>> flames out.
>> I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

>>>> CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN 'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
>> Judge # 1 - Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
>> Judge # 2 - Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
>> seriously.>> Judge # 3 - Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what
>> I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who
>> wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer
>> when they saw the look on my face.

>>>> CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
>> Judge # 1 - Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
>> Judge # 2 - A bit salty, good use of peppers.
>> Judge # 3 - Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose
>> feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by
>> now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back,
>> now my
>> backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from
>> all of the beer.

>>>> CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
>> Judge # 1 - Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
>> Judge # 2 - Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish
>> or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
>> Judge # 3 - I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable
>> to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beermaid,
>> was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is
>> starting
>> to look HOT ... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an
>> aphrodisiac?

>>>> CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
>> Judge # 1 - Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground,
>> adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
>> Judge # 2 - Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit
>> the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
>> Judge # 3 - My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I
>> can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed
>> paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili
>> had given
>> me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer
>> directly on
>> it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks
>> me off
>> that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.

>>>> CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
>> Judge # 1 - Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of
>> spices and peppers.
>> Judge # 2 - The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic.
>> Superb.
>> Judge # 3 - My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,
>> sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it
>> will eat through
>> the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally.
>> Can't feel my
>> lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

>>>> CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
>> Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
>> Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
>> chili peppers
>> at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge #
>> 3.
>> He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
>> Judge # 3 - You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
>> wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds
>> like it is made
>> of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed
>> out of my mouth. My
>> pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy,
>> they'll know
>> what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. Screw
>> it; I'm not getting
>> any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch
>> hole in my
>> stomach.

>>>> CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
>> Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too
>> bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
>> Judge # 2 - This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor
>> hot.
>> Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out,
>> fell over and
>> pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to
>> make it. Poor feller,
>> I wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
>> Judge # 3 - No Report *>>